Double D: The Intriguing Life of a Campus Girl

Double D

In almost two and a half decades of life, I have interacted with various girls and women in various stages and places. That’s kind of expected; I am not a hermit nor a social pariah. Some are family, some were for relationships, others were classmates, and most are my friends while the rest I have known through proxies. These women have shaped my view and opinion of women–I greatly respect them.

From that girl in lower primary who gave my running esteem issues that to-date I still have this childish urge to overtake anyone ahead me whenever I go for morning runs. (On most occasions, if I’m lucky, I outrun a geezer who’s braving the morning on a doctor’s recommendation. The thrill!) This girl was the fastest I have ever seen. Let’s call her Belinda so you don’t figure out her real name was Belinda. She could cover the length of a football field before I had hardly heaved my way to the center line. Since lower primary kids aren’t known for their kindness towards boys who can’t outpace girls, and because they’re sexist little brats, coming last during the P.E lessons wasn’t an option so I chose to do what any self-respecting male would do–choose not to run.

You cannot lose something you aren’t taking part in. Besigye cannot lose Somali elections, NASA cannot lose the forthcoming elections if they boycott it, AFC Leopards cannot lose in the Africa Champions League and so Belinda couldn’t outrun me if I wasn’t taking part in the races.

Fast forward to campus; it’s here where I met women who came in more shades than the corruption scandals in this country. Women act in intriguing ways when they get away from the watchful eyes of their mothers and fathers. And pastors. Miriam Nanyama from Navakholo becomes Trap Queen Miri who’s the campus twerking champion and Maureen Wakesho from a fishing family down at the coast suddenly becomes averse to broke men and abandons the family delicacy of mbaazi na mahamri for Instragram pictures of burgers and pizzas. From those whose sole ambition was to win a twerking competition yet they had butts about as curvy as a candle to those who wanted to climb the proverbial career ladder with stiff backs and [red] high heels. Since am not one to kill someone’s dreams, to them I said “Go for it girl!”

In between, there were those who were actively looking for ‘sponsors’ so they could elicit jealousy fits from their girlfriends. They simply couldn’t accept the humble lives that their mothers had chosen. They could be overheard saying that campus dudes were beneath them and other inflammatory statements that did generally not augur well for the boy child. I didn’t say anything to these ones simply because they were always out of school (or out of my league, depending on whom you ask).

Then there were the C.U girls whom I respected a lot for their fortitude of morality in a sea of debauchery. These ones wore skirts so long that you feared you’d be struck by lightning if you accidentally caught a glimpse of their ankles. But I liked them. Unsurprisingly, were good conversationalists and discussions with them were always quite interesting. Their grasp of topical issues was captivating. And boy could they cook!

Finally, there are those we will refer to as Double D. And no, they have nothing to do with bra sizes you pervert! They are the drinkers and daters. These are a special breed, and therefore, I have saved the last for them.

These are women who know the full names of the bartender and they are on a first-name basis with the guy who offloads beer crates from the distribution lorry. If you want to witness examples of “what a man can do, a woman can do better” look no further than the campus drinker and dater. The mama mbogas do not, however, recognize her because she rarely buys groceries. A Double D doesn’t regularly cook in her room because alcohol fumes and fire have been known to explode. So, it’s for her safety that she eats out rather than connect the juakali coil to the exposed wires coming out from under her bed.

Speaking of which, if no mama mboga calls your campus girlfriend “msichana wangu” then she’s probably a Double D. Or she is just not loyal to one mama mboga, in which case, tread cautiously because a woman who is not committed to one mama mboga cannot commit to one man. She has more dates than a calendar courtesy of her easy-going nature, or inability to say “No.”

To the Double D, the word loyalty is no different to the Latin language- dead, obsolete and only used by the Pope. She drinks at whatever table has generous men. If you can buy drinks then she’s in your camp until she finds another group with pricier drinks. They are the watermelons of campus clubbing and dating scene. These spineless politicians who defect and rejoin coalitions were probably Double Ds in their younger days.

She has had a couple of nasty heartbreaks in campus that she no longer expects commitment of any form or design from men. Compliment her and she thinks you are hitting on her. She’ll be heard saying that lesbians are hitting on her just because a girl complimented her enormous weave. She thinks men want only one thing and that thing she’ll give to the last person to buy her last drink in the club. From the capacity built over the years drowning her heartbreak sorrows in copious of vodka, the drinker and dater can handle her drink, and woo unto you if you are the shallow of pocket or inherently a light drinker. Reminds me of when I once was introduced to this chick in a club who, with a straight face, told me she drinks a bottle of vodka to herself without a mixer. Aside from the fact that no man in history has ever won a duel, more so a drinking one, against a woman, I didn’t follow up on the introduction because economy! Economy because tulikuwa tumechangia hiyo mzinga and my boys would have meted out mob justice on me if I had let a Double D drown it all then waltz nonchalantly to another table with a better economy.

But for all the vitriol the other girls direct towards her, the drinker and dater is an asset as a friend; she has connections and will get you people who can get your stuff done. Have a missing mark? There is a lecturer hitting on her who is a friend to the friend of the lecturer who didn’t allocate you CAT marks. You want to circumvent the room booking process? The system admin is a buddy of hers and she can touch the right places so you get the room you want. And to the drinkers and daters, Rihanna and the Junior Elders say, “Cheers, drink to that!”

PS: That’s Jennifer Lopez on the feature image, not a campus student. We googled Double D boobs but google said it was for porn stars and celebrities who have fake boobs. So, this is the closest we could get to having boobs, a beautiful woman and drinks on the same picture without our blog showing up when you search for adult-rated blogs

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