Remember our previous post? Where I resigned as a moving out expert? Well, you know the drill. In this great nation, we’d rather die than resign. It’s somewhere in the constitution, the BBI, and any future constitutional change document that will get fronted to the voters. In a nutshell, my tenure as a moving-out expert continues. And there’s nothing you can really do about it. Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate.
Because I’m still a moving out expert, and a selfless patriot, I am here to make your moving out (and generally, life) much easier. You can thank me now, later might be too late.
The kitchen is the second most important room in your house after the bedroom. It is a sacred place that should be revered. In line with that, it should always be fully stocked. Your heart can be as empty as AFC Leopard’s trophy cabinet. Your house can be as empty as a Kenyan politician’s conscience. But your kitchen should never suffer from lack. It is simply, for lack of a better word, sacrilegious. In fact, I believe that people with only two sufurias and a couple of plates in their kitchen will never see heaven. They will be reincarnated as flies, doomed to feed on shit and allergic to sweet scents. And they should be blamed for everything wrong with this country- the BBI, hustler vs dynasty narrative, Magoha, Nairobians thinking that Pipeline is more ghetto than Roysambu (and by extension, the whole of Thika Road). Name it.
That’s why I’m here today. To save you from the throngs of hell. From being a poop-eater in your next life. And to put you on the right side of this country’s history. Once again, you are welcome.
When I was planning to move out, I made a budget for everything I considered essential. I started with the kitchen, then the bedroom, bathroom, and sitting room in that order. Let me tell you Maina, moving out is expensive af. The budget for the kitchen alone came to 25k. And that was on the lower side after comparing prices from various vendors. A set of sufurias came to about 10k while dinner plates cost 7k. I was going to spend two month’s rent on the kitchen alone. That is something that doesn’t sit well with a broke nigga’s soul.
Then one day, while enjoying Twitter violence, I stumbled on a gem. That gem was Ray’s Kitchen, run by one Ms. Gathoni.
She had a kitchenware package she called “moving out package.” The package had everything you’d ever need in your kitchen. Sufurias, dinner plates, cups, cutlery set, cooking spoons, a non-stick pan, and even water glasses. Imagine starting out as a bachelor and drinking water from an actual water glass instead of used yogurt containers. Soft life innit. And all that for just 10k. Yes, you can furnish your entire kitchen for just ten thousand Kenyan shillings! The best part about it? She gives you the freedom to customize your package to your preferences.
Cheap isn’t the only reason you should make Ray’s Kitchen your go-to plug for anything kitchenware. She also delivers quality products. Three months in and my glasses are yet to break. My non-stick pan is still non-stick despite endless frying of eggs and chapatis. If you see the non-stick pans that niggas post on the internet, you will go down on your knees and pray for the country.
She will make your delivery using your preferred courier services. So if being slapped by Ena Coach staff is your fetish, consider yourself sorted. If you are boujee and prefer dedicated courier services such as G4S and Wells Fargo, she has got your back. As for me and my house, I always swear by Easy Coach.
One last time, You. Are. Welcome.
PS: I don’t know about you but I have noticed that I ask you if you remember something I said earlier a lot. It stems from being insecure about whether I really have your attention (I have just declared myself a mental health expert and diagnosed myself). It can be easily resolved by you subscribing to our mailing list for new posts (we promise to be more consistent going forward) and following us on Twitter (@juniorelders). Or both. Thank you in advance.