Life is a story to be written

March 23, 2021 1 comment

Witchcraft

No matter how peaceful and united a polygamous home seems, there’s always a simmering cold war behind the scenes. The younger wife will call an under-the-bed meeting with all the windows and doors closed and warn her kids not to eat at the older wife’s house lest they get poisoned, then step out and smile her brightest while complimenting her co-wife’s cooking. She’ll even joke that she might lose her kids to the older wife if she doesn’t stop serving such deliciousness. The older wife, in turn, will compliment the younger wife’s dressing, saying how much her tailor knows how to bring out her curves. But in secret, she calls her a slut and tells everyone who cares to listen how the younger wife will bring HIV/AIDS to the homestead and kill everyone.

March 15, 2021 0 comments

Disco Matanga

I just realized that like the pandemic brought a new normal for the corporate world, there will soon be a new normal for the village social life. It’s already here but we’re still in denial so we prefer speaking about it in the future tense. One of the things we might never get to enjoy ever again is disco matanga.

March 7, 2021 0 comments

Business Plug: Ray’s Kitchen

Remember our previous post? Where I resigned as a moving out expert? Well, you know the drill. In this great nation, we’d rather die than resign. It’s somewhere in the constitution, the BBI, and any future constitutional change document that will get fronted to the voters. In a nutshell, my tenure as a moving-out expert…

February 1, 2021 0 comments

Moving Out

You see, the most important aspect of moving out is preparing to move out. You don’t just wake up one day and decide that you need some space to walk around in your boxers. It doesn’t matter how many internet strangers you see saying that at 20, you’re too old to be leaving your pubes in your mother’s soap.

January 26, 2021 2 comments

New Year Resolutions

At the beginning of last year, we promised we’d try to deliver article every week for 12 months. Like your New Year resolutions and promising yourself that you’d never contact your ex again, we failed within the first two weeks. But unlike you, it’s not because we have unresolved childhood trauma that draws us to toxic people like moth to light.